“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
I have no doubt you guys are sick of me posting quotes from Eat, Pray, Love but I can’t help it. I love this quote so much. It lets me know that… that I have a chance to be happy even though right now my life feels like it is in ruins. I like to think that even though I feel broken or bent, I have a chance to fix things. Maybe things won’t be the same as before, but it will be a better tomorrow for sure.
There are so many gifts in life that we take for granted. Like the fact that most of the everyday things that we do like breathe, see, smell, feel we don’t have to put any effort into it at all. The airs that fill our lungs keep us going, we don’t even consciously think about, same with our heart beating. We don’t have to do any of it. We just do it. It’s simple as that; the sense of touch, sight, smell. There are some who are without it. I have my fair share of problems that don’t seem fair at all sometimes, but I have so much that I can be grateful for. I let that slip through the cracks because I never really got to complain about the problems I did have so now I have just let it consume me in some ways. Maybe that’s why I am the way I am now. I have put myself around people that complain about everything and anything. I let myself follow in that path. I have no positivity in my life right now, and that scares me a lot.
Literally, as I am writing this, it has opened my eyes. I had never thought of this before. I have filled my life with people who are so negative and blame everything else but themselves for why they don’t have what they want. They are sucking the positivity out of me and me vise versa. I used to be excited and adventurous as a kid and ever since I moved I have lost myself. Not just moving here to Savannah, but to Georgia in general. I fought it, that negativity, for a long time, but as the years have gone on, I have lost my positivity. Reality hasn’t helped with it either, being an adult in the real world has taken its toll, but I had plenty of negativity happen in my life growing up and yet I still was able to smile.
Something a friend once said to me when I moved from New York to Georgia just jumped out of my mind at this moment. I face timed him to catch up or something, and when he showed up onto the screen, I smiled, and he just sighed smiling right back, and he said, “Good, your smile is still the same.” I wonder if he would say that to me now. Is my smile still the same? I laugh and smile occasionally, but I don’t know if I have the same smile I did from when I was sixteen. I was a lot happier then.
What a revelation. It never clicked for me before. This really is my diary. I need to think this through and go over it in my head some more.
Until next time…