Fighting a losing battle… that is a very accurate description of how I have been feeling nowadays. Fighting a losing battle, but I can’t seem to stop myself from fighting. I feel like I need to keep going on and continue fighting so that in the end, when I lose, I can say I did everything that I could to win the fight. I think though that the war is coming to an end, and the tally’s are against me.
I’m not going to win.
So when do we say enough is enough? When do you surrender? When do we wave the white flag to admit our defeat? Or should we be a good captain and go down with the ship? Or should we try to survive?
My life, dramatically enough, is starting to feel like a sinking ship and I am tied down to the floor boards with no one around to help me get out of the mess I made. Like I said before, I can be dramatic. I blame partially my sisters, and also my over active imagination. I am sure others have felt this way as well. So how do they do it? How do they walk away from the wreck they have made? How do they decide to just leave it all behind? These aren’t just rhetorical questions… I could use an answer.
I am determining if I should possibly consider walking away from something that I have held on to for so long. But I don’t want to be a quitter. My parents raised me to never quit anything, even when you are miserable. I don’t like that way of life. If I am miserable, something needs to go. But that way of thinking has been somewhat instilled into my mind.; that’s what I know.
How do you walk away without hurting anyone? It’s a lost cause I know there is no way for me to walk away without there being a major problem. There is no way for me to just quietly slink away without anyone noticing. Wish me luck. I am going to need it.
Sorry I haven’t posted this week. As you can tell I have had a very long week. A lot of thinking and considering has gone into every waking moment of this week. I couldn’t possibly think of anything else. I’ve missed writing here, on my diary with others reading about it. It’s therapeutic for me. Hope you all had a better week than I did.
Until next time…