I had a monumental moment last night. Really, I actually had a moment last night where I actually felt the transformation start to begin. I felt the change.
So I was on my binge of looking on Instagram because of course, I need Instagram to lull me to sleep, obviously. So I’m feeling pretty down because I had a really serious talk with one of my sister’s and another separate heavy conversation with my dad yesterday that really opened up my eyes, but I just didn’t know what to do with the information or the realization that came with those discussions. My life has not been very great with timing as I am sure some of you have noticed with my previous posts. I have been struggling, and it’s not easy.
Back to last night, I was looking at people’s stories, and I came across this girl Olivia’s post. I have no idea who this person, never met her before in my life, but I started following her because she made me laugh with some things she would say on her story and she just seemed to have this positive energy about her. So last night she posted these videos after leaving the church, and I can’t remember word for word what she said, but basically, she said, “I don’t know who this is for or who might need these words but hold on to that dream inside your heart. All of us have a dream in our hearts that we need, so don’t give up. You are where you are for a reason. You are growing, you are learning, everything that you are doing is happening for a reason.”
When I heard her say those words, I just felt so light, and I messaged her saying thank you. I didn’t know I needed to listen to those words but thank you. It didn’t fix anything, it didn’t give me the answers that I so desperately need right now, but it reminded me that I can’t give up and that I can’t let anything hold me back. I need to let myself be at peace with the decisions that I am going to be making soon.
She replied back almost right away so oh my god you’re welcome! Then she sent me some video’s just telling me to let that weight go off my shoulder’s and be at peace. And even though it’s not going to happen overnight, I feel myself accepting what’s going to come. I actually have butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t had that in a long time. I need to find myself again, and I know I won’t be the same as I was before, and I am so thankful for that because if you can imagine it, I was even more dramatic back then.
I am finally looking forward to tomorrow; it feels amazing. A transformation is really happening for me. Ruin really is a gift. And I want to say thank you to you guys. Having a place I can come to, to just vent and share my struggles with has helped me in so many ways you can’t imagine. Thank you!
Until next time…