Self-doubt sucks. I have been doubting myself for so long, I just stopped thinking I can do anything I set my mind to and I have been settling for so much in my career. I just gave up.
For the past few months I have been obsessed with this movie called Set It Up, it’s a Netflix original. It is just so relatable to now days and you know that’s exactly what they were doing. I feel so connected to the main character who is just to scared to put herself out there in the work force, afraid of rejection so she just stays in her assistant job, working for someone who makes her miserable but yet is her inspiration.
I let statistics and people’s opinions and other people’s dreams cloud my own dreams. I let my need to help others first go above taking care of my own needs and now all I feel is sadness because I feel like I gave up my chance. But I am trying to look at the bigger picture. I mean everything happens for a reason right? I have seen so many examples of that in others lives, but I haven’t seen it in my own yet. I hoping there is a bigger picture because I need that bigger picture more than anything. I need it like I need oxygen. I need it to survive.
I like to think the reason why I haven’t found a job yet in my field is because of the friends I have recently met at my job. I haven’t had a true friend in so long; I forgot what it was like. I mean I have my family, I couldn’t ask for more than that, but there tend to be no secrets in my family, so my business becomes everyone’s business and I do not like that.
But one of the friends that I have met recently has given me the slightest glimmer of hope that I can actually do this. They just laid things out so simply, I just kept thinking why I am I complicating this? Why do I just do it? They also encouraged me to write everyday on my blog. At first I just wanted to do it as a weekly thing and lost my fuel to write. But now it’s different.
The self-help books have been helping to push myself away from self-doubt. This past year or so has been a huge pushing point to fight for what I want, but it’s always nice to have friends that encourage you to believe in yourself.
Until next time..