I once didn’t mind his morning breath. Then one day it bothered me.
I used to not mind the smell of cigarettes on him. Then one day I did mind.
When did it happen? When did I start being bothered by the things he did? It didn’t bother me in the beginning of our relationship, so why now? Should that have been my sign that things weren’t working out between us? The same happened for him. He didn’t mind my eating habits, that I didn’t like certain foods, but then out of the blue he minded. He started making comments about me never trying anything new. He started making fun of me in front of others that I was getting “the same old thing”. When did things change between us?
Ever since the split I have been going back over the last four years of my life. As I am sure many people do after a break up. I am the textbook case of an over-thinker. It’s my gift or curse, however you want to look at it. I am also good at losing track of my thoughts, let’s get back in focus.
So my question is, when did the rose colored glasses get knocked off? When did we start being bothered by the others flaws? Does it happen to everyone right away? Even the ones who have made it work? I would like to meet the ones who have made it work. They have looked past their partners flaws and learned to love them unconditionally. Why do most of us have conditions? When do the conditions go away? After too many relationships have worn us down? Until we have given up our original expectations?
Like Rachel Green says on Friends, “Didn’t you think you’d meet someone, fall in love and that would be it?” If only life were that simple. You know, falling in love and poof happily ever after. People did not prepare us for this. Or at least no one in my life prepared me for this. Not movies, not books, not family. No one ever warned me that sometimes things don’t work out. That sometimes it is okay to stop fighting. I learned, of course, some things you just can’t teach. And sometimes you just need to observe everyone around you.
TV shows tell you a but of the truth. I think that’s what started making me realize I needed to leave. TV shows don’t just show you the beginning stages of a relationship or when the two characters finally realize they are meant to be together. Some show you the nitty gritty parts of relationships. The hard parts that not many people want to look at.
Back to my over-examining of this roller-coaster of a relationship. I still wonder when it happened. I probably will never pin point it, but I just wish I knew the moment when it happened, but if I had noticed maybe I would have left sooner. Oh well. I hope that others notice these things sooner rather than later. Good luck out there. It’s not easy figuring out what is right and wrong in a relationship. What is worth staying for. It’s not easy to notice.
Until next time…