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When Did It Happen?

I once didn’t mind his morning breath. Then one day it bothered me.

I used to not mind the smell of cigarettes on him. Then one day I did mind.

When did it happen? When did I start being bothered by the things he did? It didn’t bother me in the beginning of our relationship, so why now? Should that have been my sign that things weren’t working out between us? The same happened for him. He didn’t mind my eating habits, that I didn’t like certain foods, but then out of the blue he minded. He started making comments about me never trying anything new. He started making fun of me in front of others that I was getting “the same old thing”. When did things change between us?

Ever since the split I have been going back over the last four years of my life. As I am sure many people do after a break up. I am the textbook case of an over-thinker. It’s my gift or curse, however you want to look at it. I am also good at losing track of my thoughts, let’s get back in focus.

So my question is, when did the rose colored glasses get knocked off? When did we start being bothered by the others flaws? Does it happen to everyone right away? Even the ones who have made it work? I would like to meet the ones who have made it work. They have looked past their partners flaws and learned to love them unconditionally. Why do most of us have conditions? When do the conditions go away? After too many relationships have worn us down? Until we have given up our original expectations?

Like Rachel Green says on Friends, “Didn’t you think you’d meet someone, fall in love and that would be it?” If only life were that simple. You know, falling in love and poof happily ever after. People did not prepare us for this. Or at least no one in my life prepared me for this. Not movies, not books, not family. No one ever warned me that sometimes things don’t work out. That sometimes it is okay to stop fighting. I learned, of course, some things you just can’t teach. And sometimes you just need to observe everyone around you.

TV shows tell you a but of the truth. I think that’s what started making me realize I needed to leave. TV shows don’t just show you the beginning stages of a relationship or when the two characters finally realize they are meant to be together. Some show you the nitty gritty parts of relationships. The hard parts that not many people want to look at.

Back to my over-examining of this roller-coaster of a relationship. I still wonder when it happened. I probably will never pin point it, but I just wish I knew the moment when it happened, but if I had noticed maybe I would have left sooner. Oh well. I hope that others notice these things sooner rather than later. Good luck out there. It’s not easy figuring out what is right and wrong in a relationship. What is worth staying for. It’s not easy to notice.

Until next time…

Justine

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Why Do We Do It?

How is it that some of the most intelligent and beautiful women let themselves be belittled and used just to feel desired? Why do we allow ourselves to become less so that we can feel wanted? When did we start doing less so that our loved one can feel like more? Why do we do it? Why is the most important thing in the world to be loved? Continue reading “Why Do We Do It?”

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Soulmate

Soulmate’s.. real or not real?

I don’t think I believe in soul mates to the sense that there is one person out there to complete me. What does that mean anyway? That I am not enough? That I’m not complete without a significant other by my side? It’s a lot of pressure to put on a person if you ask me. A guy is supposed to fit every specification that I have set for them? One guy is supposed to do all of that? Seems impossible, and it’s set every relationship up for failure if you ask me.
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Hollow Crown

Fighting a losing battle… that is a very accurate description of how I have been feeling nowadays. Fighting a losing battle, but I can’t seem to stop myself from fighting. I feel like I need to keep going on and continue fighting so that in the end, when I lose, I can say I did everything that I could to win the fight. I think though that the war is coming to an end, and the tally’s are against me.
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Out With the Old…

Hello everyone!

Alright, so I am going to be giving something a try this weekend that I hope will help me in the long run. I am going to try decluttering my life. And the best and only way for me to learn to properly declutter my life is to watch the Netflix series on such things. It was talked about on Gilmore Girls, which is my touchstone for reality obviously.
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It’s A Gift

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

I have no doubt you guys are sick of me posting quotes from Eat, Pray, Love but I can’t help it. I love this quote so much. It lets me know that… that I have a chance to be happy even though right now my life feels like it is in ruins. I like to think that even though I feel broken or bent, I have a chance to fix things. Maybe things won’t be the same as before, but it will be a better tomorrow for sure.
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BUMBLE

Hello!

I have some interesting information to share with you all today. Don’t know if it is really something anyone will care for, but here goes nothing.  I have joined an app called Bumble, it is for making friends, dating and business. I am taking part in Bumble BFF addition. Nowadays I am having the hardest time making friends, it’s not the same as it used to be when in school where you can just talk to the person next to you and BAM! Friendship! I was venting to my little sister about it when she made a suggestion for me. Bumble BFF.

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The Most Magical Place on Earth

I don’t know how I could possibly forget to write about this! I want to Disney over Thanksgiving! And as always it was magical. Happy belated Thanksgiving by the way 🙂

So my family and I went to Animal Kingdom, going on as many rides as we could. And I have to say the best ride that we went on had to be Avatar Flight of Passage. Even though we waited for two hours to get on this ride, seemingly never-ending torture of whether or not the next room would be it, it was totally worth it. It is a four-minute ride I think, but it truly is fantastic. I have never seen the movie myself, but my older sis Jill and her boyfriend say it is even more exciting if you have seen the movie. My little sister Kailey said once we got off the ride that she “now believes in God” because of this ride.

Continue reading “The Most Magical Place on Earth”