Posts

Sorry…

I have been a very shitty blogger lately. A lot has happened these last few months. I have been making some significant changes as you all know. I have been writing more (my book not here sadly), I have been just trying to learn who I am again.

Still not quite there yet with figuring out who I am exactly, but I am learning so much with what I used to do, and what I want to do now. Tennis has come back into play (yes pun intended). I have gotten back into dance, though I am still struggling to find a place to go. I have knitted like a madwoman, but I need to post pictures of it all here soon! Once this blazing hot summer cools down, I plan on getting back into hiking and biking.

During these last few months, I have also allowed myself to acknowledge how I am feeling. Just let myself submerge into those emotions. Anger is a major one. Sadness, of course. But one that I was not expecting to feel was relief. I was trying too hard to be something that I couldn’t be. I was trying to mold my life to fit someone else’s expectations whether they made it important for me to do that or not, I still did it. Relief wasn’t the emotion I wanted to feel or was expecting to feel, but it’s there.

Over the last few months, I’ve been putting myself under a microscope and trying to learn from what has happened of the past five years and try to change for the better from it. I am learning what mistakes I made, what I need to think of going forward, and most importantly, I am learning to put me first. In every situation, I am learning to put me first, not worrying about what other people expect of me, nothing. I am doing what is best for me.

That being said, it is the hardest thing that I am teaching myself to do. I pride myself on being a quick learner, but this is the hardest thing I have had to learn. Still have to learn. It doesn’t help to have people in my life who think they still can tell me what to do. I know they want to help, and I know they want to make sure I am alright, but it’s not helping. It is only causing more stress because I once again am trying to meet their expectation and not my own.

So again, I am sorry for not taking the time to write on here. I wish I had. Blogging is my therapy. So I will try to be better for whoever is reading. Thank you!

Until next time…

Justine

We Live for Love

Hello all!

I had an interesting thought today, nothing unique or different. Nothing that hasn’t been spoken, or written, or sung. Of course, it’s about love. As of late, I let go of a love in my life. It hasn’t been easy, and it probably won’t be okay for a while, but I know in my heart I did the right thing. It hasn’t been good between us for a long time, I just had been the one to face it head-on. I took the step that neither of us wanted to take because we had gotten comfortable. But it wasn’t right anymore.  Continue reading “We Live for Love”

To Settle or To be Selfish?

Why is it that now a days people are settling in their lives? Why is that the common thing now? I mean, I know things have changed, things are very different from what they were before, but why do people give up on their dreams? If one dream isn’t attainable anymore, why don’t people search for a new one? Fear definitely plays a factor in all this. Convenience as well, it’s easier to settle for something you have then reach for something that you really want. I don’t want to wake up one morning and realize that I settled for something that just was convenient at the time. Instead I want to wake up and realize I have all that I have ever needed and fought for what I wanted. Continue reading “To Settle or To be Selfish?”

2. Knitting My Troubles Away

POST TWO

Sorry I missed last weeks post for knitting! I am sure you all are patiently waiting for such a post… yes that was sarcasm. I’m like a hundred percent sure most of you just scroll right past this post update and move on with your lives. Oh well! I’m still posting about it!

As I predicted I got bored with the main project. I have fixed the issue though! I have brought my knitting with me to work to help with the stress of work. Which is being confined in a two-by-four room with no windows, sunlight, or hope to see the outdoors.

Even with that though I did get bored once more, so I am routing projects! I bought some more yarn, and am knitting scarves along with the said blanket. It has helped to alternate between the two. I am also watching some more videos to find out how to knit a sweater… that one is going to take a while to learn, but I am so up for the challenge.

My yarn collection is slowly turning into actual things; it’s all very exciting! Though my apartment is starting to look like an old lady’s place with all the yarn everywhere. I ordered this super cute basket to hold all my yarn, it’s great! My first official project is finished! I make a scarf for my boss; she loved it. The next project that I am starting is a scarf for my boyfriend’s mom for mother’s day. Wish me luck!

Until next time…

Justine

Soulmate

Soulmate’s.. real or not real?

I don’t think I believe in soul mates to the sense that there is one person out there to complete me. What does that mean anyway? That I am not enough? That I’m not complete without a significant other by my side? It’s a lot of pressure to put on a person if you ask me. A guy is supposed to fit every specification that I have set for them? One guy is supposed to do all of that? Seems impossible, and it’s set every relationship up for failure if you ask me.
Continue reading “Soulmate”

Hollow Crown

Fighting a losing battle… that is a very accurate description of how I have been feeling nowadays. Fighting a losing battle, but I can’t seem to stop myself from fighting. I feel like I need to keep going on and continue fighting so that in the end, when I lose, I can say I did everything that I could to win the fight. I think though that the war is coming to an end, and the tally’s are against me.
Continue reading “Hollow Crown”