To Settle or To be Selfish?

Why is it that now a days people are settling in their lives? Why is that the common thing now? I mean, I know things have changed, things are very different from what they were before, but why do people give up on their dreams? If one dream isn’t attainable anymore, why don’t people search for a new one? Fear definitely plays a factor in all this. Convenience as well, it’s easier to settle for something you have then reach for something that you really want. I don’t want to wake up one morning and realize that I settled for something that just was convenient at the time. Instead I want to wake up and realize I have all that I have ever needed and fought for what I wanted.

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t know exactly what is that I need or want. I know I have passion for writing and reading. I know I want that more than anything is to always be writing. I hope I always have that passion. I have had that passion for writing since I was in elementary school. I know I want to see the world. I just don’t know how to attain that. Everything costs a pretty penny, but  do I just waste my life saving and saving and then realize I am too far gone to reach for that dream anymore?

I think I need to be selfish, for once in my life. I am not ready to settle. Maybe that’s stupid of me, and maybe some people will say my choices will hurt the people I love and care about, but what about me? Do I need to hurt in order for everyone else to be happy? Now that seems stupid. I can’t picture this being my life forever. Living pay check to pay check because I made a poor decision. Just because I made this decision now does that mean I can’t make the decision to get out before it destroys me?

I want so much more than this. I am not willing to give anything else up. A common saying, you only have one life so make the most of it. I don’t want to settle in my career or in any other part of my life. I want to be able to say that in my life I had no regrets. So the big question, do I settle or should I be selfish?

Right now, I think I am going to choose to be selfish. Wish me luck.

Until next time…


Transformation Is Happening

I had a monumental moment last night. Really, I actually had a moment last night where I actually felt the transformation start to begin. I felt the change.

So I was on my binge of looking on Instagram because of course, I need Instagram to lull me to sleep, obviously. So I’m feeling pretty down because I had some really have talked with one of my sister’s and another separate heavy conversation with my dad that yesterday that really opened up my eyes, but I just didn’t know what to do with the information, the realization that came with those discussions. My life has not been very great with timing as I am sure some of you have noticed with my previous posts. I have been struggling, and it’s not easy.

Back to last night, I was looking at people’s stories, and I came across this girl Olivia’s post. I have no idea who this person, never met her before in my life, but I started following her because she made me laugh with some things she would say on her story and she just seemed to have this positive energy about her. So last night she posted these videos after leaving the church, and I can’t remember word for word what she said, but basically, she said, “I don’t know who this is for or who might need these words but hold on to that dream inside your heart. All of us have a dream in our hearts that we need, so don’t give up. You are where you are for a reason. You are growing, you are learning, everything that you are doing is happening for a reason.”

When I heard her say those words, I just felt so light, and I messaged her saying thank you. I didn’t know I needed to listen to those words but thank you. It didn’t fix anything, it didn’t give me the answers that I so desperately need right now, but it reminded me that I can’t give up and that I can’t let anything hold me back. I need to let myself be at peace with the decisions that I am going to be making soon.

She replied back almost right away so oh my god you’re welcome! Then she sent me some video’s just telling me to let that weight go off my shoulder’s and be at peace. And even though it’s not going to happen overnight, I feel myself accepting what’s going to come. I actually have butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t had that in a long time. I need to find myself again, and I know I won’t be the same as I was before, and I am so thankful for that because if you can imagine it,

Until next time…


2. Knitting My Troubles Away


Sorry I missed last weeks post for knitting! I am sure you all are patiently waiting for such a post… yes that was sarcasm. I’m like a hundred percent sure most of you just scroll right past this post update and move on with your lives. Oh well! I’m still posting about it!

As I predicted I got bored with the main project. I have fixed the issue though! I have brought my knitting with me to work to help with the stress of work. Which is being confined in a two-by-four room with no windows, sunlight, or hope to see the outdoors.

Even with that though I did get bored once more, so I am routing projects! I bought some more yarn, and am knitting scarves along with the said blanket. It has helped to alternate between the two. I am also watching some more videos to find out how to knit a sweater… that one is going to take a while to learn, but I am so up for the challenge.

My yarn collection is slowly turning into actual things; it’s all very exciting! Though my apartment is starting to look like an old lady’s place with all the yarn everywhere. I ordered this super cute basket to hold all my yarn, it’s great! My first official project is finished! I make a scarf for my boss; she loved it. The next project that I am starting is a scarf for my boyfriend’s mom for mother’s day. Wish me luck!

Until next time…



Soulmate’s.. real or not real?

I don’t think I believe in soul mates to the sense that there is one person out there to complete me. What does that mean anyway? That I am not enough? That I’m not complete without a significant other by my side? It’s a lot of pressure to put on a person if you ask me. A guy is supposed to fit every specification that I have set for them? One guy is supposed to do all of that? Seems impossible, and it’s set every relationship up for failure if you ask me.
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Hollow Crown

Fighting a losing battle… that is a very accurate description of how I have been feeling nowadays. Fighting a losing battle, but I can’t seem to stop myself from fighting. I feel like I need to keep going on and continue fighting so that in the end, when I lose, I can say I did everything that I could to win the fight. I think though that the war is coming to an end, and the tally’s are against me.
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It’s A Gift

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

I have no doubt you guys are sick of me posting quotes from Eat, Pray, Love but I can’t help it. I love this quote so much. It lets me know that… that I have a chance to be happy even though right now my life feels like it is in ruins. I like to think that even though I feel broken or bent, I have a chance to fix things. Maybe things won’t be the same as before, but it will be a better tomorrow for sure.
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I have some interesting information to share with you all today. Don’t know if it is really something anyone will care for, but here goes nothing.  I have joined an app called Bumble, it is for making friends, dating and business. I am taking part in Bumble BFF addition. Nowadays I am having the hardest time making friends, it’s not the same as it used to be when in school where you can just talk to the person next to you and BAM! Friendship! I was venting to my little sister about it when she made a suggestion for me. Bumble BFF.

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