I have been a very shitty blogger lately. A lot has happened these last few months. I have been making some significant changes as you all know. I have been writing more (my book not here sadly), I have been just trying to learn who I am again.
Still not quite there yet with figuring out who I am exactly, but I am learning so much with what I used to do, and what I want to do now. Tennis has come back into play (yes pun intended). I have gotten back into dance, though I am still struggling to find a place to go. I have knitted like a madwoman, but I need to post pictures of it all here soon! Once this blazing hot summer cools down, I plan on getting back into hiking and biking.
During these last few months, I have also allowed myself to acknowledge how I am feeling. Just let myself submerge into those emotions. Anger is a major one. Sadness, of course. But one that I was not expecting to feel was relief. I was trying too hard to be something that I couldn’t be. I was trying to mold my life to fit someone else’s expectations whether they made it important for me to do that or not, I still did it. Relief wasn’t the emotion I wanted to feel or was expecting to feel, but it’s there.
Over the last few months, I’ve been putting myself under a microscope and trying to learn from what has happened of the past five years and try to change for the better from it. I am learning what mistakes I made, what I need to think of going forward, and most importantly, I am learning to put me first. In every situation, I am learning to put me first, not worrying about what other people expect of me, nothing. I am doing what is best for me.
That being said, it is the hardest thing that I am teaching myself to do. I pride myself on being a quick learner, but this is the hardest thing I have had to learn. Still have to learn. It doesn’t help to have people in my life who think they still can tell me what to do. I know they want to help, and I know they want to make sure I am alright, but it’s not helping. It is only causing more stress because I once again am trying to meet their expectation and not my own.
So again, I am sorry for not taking the time to write on here. I wish I had. Blogging is my therapy. So I will try to be better for whoever is reading. Thank you!
Until next time…