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When Did It Happen?

I once didn’t mind his morning breath. Then one day it bothered me.

I used to not mind the smell of cigarettes on him. Then one day I did mind.

When did it happen? When did I start being bothered by the things he did? It didn’t bother me in the beginning of our relationship, so why now? Should that have been my sign that things weren’t working out between us? The same happened for him. He didn’t mind my eating habits, that I didn’t like certain foods, but then out of the blue he minded. He started making comments about me never trying anything new. He started making fun of me in front of others that I was getting “the same old thing”. When did things change between us?

Ever since the split I have been going back over the last four years of my life. As I am sure many people do after a break up. I am the textbook case of an over-thinker. It’s my gift or curse, however you want to look at it. I am also good at losing track of my thoughts, let’s get back in focus.

So my question is, when did the rose colored glasses get knocked off? When did we start being bothered by the others flaws? Does it happen to everyone right away? Even the ones who have made it work? I would like to meet the ones who have made it work. They have looked past their partners flaws and learned to love them unconditionally. Why do most of us have conditions? When do the conditions go away? After too many relationships have worn us down? Until we have given up our original expectations?

Like Rachel Green says on Friends, “Didn’t you think you’d meet someone, fall in love and that would be it?” If only life were that simple. You know, falling in love and poof happily ever after. People did not prepare us for this. Or at least no one in my life prepared me for this. Not movies, not books, not family. No one ever warned me that sometimes things don’t work out. That sometimes it is okay to stop fighting. I learned, of course, some things you just can’t teach. And sometimes you just need to observe everyone around you.

TV shows tell you a but of the truth. I think that’s what started making me realize I needed to leave. TV shows don’t just show you the beginning stages of a relationship or when the two characters finally realize they are meant to be together. Some show you the nitty gritty parts of relationships. The hard parts that not many people want to look at.

Back to my over-examining of this roller-coaster of a relationship. I still wonder when it happened. I probably will never pin point it, but I just wish I knew the moment when it happened, but if I had noticed maybe I would have left sooner. Oh well. I hope that others notice these things sooner rather than later. Good luck out there. It’s not easy figuring out what is right and wrong in a relationship. What is worth staying for. It’s not easy to notice.

Until next time…

Justine

Posted in Journal Posts, Posts, Uncategorized

Why Do We Do It?

How is it that some of the most intelligent and beautiful women let themselves be belittled and used just to feel desired? Why do we allow ourselves to become less so that we can feel wanted? When did we start doing less so that our loved one can feel like more? Why do we do it? Why is the most important thing in the world to be loved? Continue reading “Why Do We Do It?”

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Sorry…

I have been a very shitty blogger lately. A lot has happened these last few months. I have been making some significant changes as you all know. I have been writing more (my book not here sadly), I have been just trying to learn who I am again.

Still not quite there yet with figuring out who I am exactly, but I am learning so much with what I used to do, and what I want to do now. Tennis has come back into play (yes pun intended). I have gotten back into dance, though I am still struggling to find a place to go. I have knitted like a madwoman, but I need to post pictures of it all here soon! Once this blazing hot summer cools down, I plan on getting back into hiking and biking. Continue reading “Sorry…”

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We Live for Love

Hello all!

I had an interesting thought today, nothing unique or different. Nothing that hasn’t been spoken, or written, or sung. Of course, it’s about love. As of late, I let go of a love in my life. It hasn’t been easy, and it probably won’t be okay for a while, but I know in my heart I did the right thing. It hasn’t been good between us for a long time, I just had been the one to face it head-on. I took the step that neither of us wanted to take because we had gotten comfortable. But it wasn’t right anymore.  Continue reading “We Live for Love”

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Soulmate

Soulmate’s.. real or not real?

I don’t think I believe in soul mates to the sense that there is one person out there to complete me. What does that mean anyway? That I am not enough? That I’m not complete without a significant other by my side? It’s a lot of pressure to put on a person if you ask me. A guy is supposed to fit every specification that I have set for them? One guy is supposed to do all of that? Seems impossible, and it’s set every relationship up for failure if you ask me.
Continue reading “Soulmate”

Posted in Journal Posts

Some Direction, Please!

I want someone to tell me my prophecy. I want someone to just give me an idea of what is next for me. Maybe that would give me some direction in my life. I could use some direction. I want to find out what my calling is in life. Is it just writing? Is it to be a mother? Or just to float around for the rest of my existence? That last question was very dramatic I know, that’s something you will learn about me. I have three sisters, and I am very dramatic. Yes, that was me blaming the dramatics of my life on them. They taught me everything I know.
Continue reading “Some Direction, Please!”

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Story Time

Story-time!

I have started writing a book! Not just a book, I started writing a book series!!!! I am so excited about this; I don’t think I have ever been so excited about anything. I have wanted to write books since I was ten years old! I wrote stories all the time as a kid. I lost my way from writing books because I always thought that it wasn’t something realistic. But I have gotten feedback from family and friends, and I got to say they are some of my harshest critics. I think they really like the story plot! They have said so themselves that they love it! I have written out the first five chapters and have already written out the ending of each book (four by the way) I just need to come up with the world of the book. It’s a fantasy book based on a royal family struggling to gain back rule of their kingdom after a man steals it from them.
Continue reading “Story Time”

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Overactive Imagination…

Being alone sucks. It’s scary and not fun in the slightest. My pain in my butt boyfriend has deserted me for ten days for the holidays and took my puppies with him, and now I’m alone. Though it is sort of kind of my fault why he went up to his dad’s so early for Christmas vacation. I got him and his dad an early Christmas gift to a Falcons game. They haven’t been to a game together since he was a little kid so I thought that would be so fun. Stupid me, I was like “Oh it’s fine! You’ll have fun until I can come up on the 24th!” I forgot one teeny, tiny little detail and that is I hate being by myself. It literally freaks me out. He left the 15th, and it has been my own personal hell.

Continue reading “Overactive Imagination…”